Moments Only to be seen In Ghana

The BBC had this feature called "Only in Africa" which had amusing tales of uncanny encounters from across the continent. At first I thought it would be denigrating and full of stereotypes but I ended finding it quite entertaining.

The feature reminded me of when I first came to Ghana to live and everyday encounters were 'Only in Ghana' moments. Some left me amused, perplexed and others downright disturbed! Although these moments have become second nature now, a few new gems have come up recently: 

1. A puzzle that defies logic

You are working late on some mundane task with a young man who hasn't eaten all day.  The nearest  eatery is situated a 10 minute walking distance away. The hungry young man opts to head over to the eatery. You  decide to help out and hand over your car keys. This would also speed up the process and allow you to leave  earlier. The young man sets off. He returns to the office 45 minutes later!

2. Beware: our approach to punctuality MAY be contagious!

The other week I had a meeting scheduled for 2 pm on a

Friday with a young gentleman of Asian persuasion. Around 1:55pm on the day of the meeting, I get a text message from him saying he was coming from the beautiful port city of Tema (about 30 minutes by road) so would be running late due to traffic. I then call up the young man only to find he hadn't left Tema  yet (at 1:57pm) for a meeting in Accra at 2:00pm! Eventually, we rescheduled the appointment for 2pm on another day. On that day, the young'un shows up at 3:15pm with a barrel full of excuses! Later I found out he has lived in Ghana for 6 years. This got me thinking; is our rather flexible approach to punctuality infectious?
 

3. Planes, trains and fear of the witches
Some individuals in Ghana are mysteriously hesitant to tell you when they are planning on traveling abroad. I have always joked that people don't like to announce their travel plans lest they be jinxed , cursed or literally have planes blocked by witches flying alongside on their broomsticks. I'm beginning to think I may be right!
 

Just last week I was looking for a young lady who  occasionally works on our research project to discuss an upcoming field trip. She was nowhere to be found. She was last seen doing some "Bumper to Bumper" moves at our office retreat so I figured she may have taken ill during Easter. Turns out Sister-girl had boarded a plane and had jetted out of GH indefinitely two days after the retreat! Well, if she ever comes to me for a recommendation letter, I would definitely have to put down  somewhere "...displayed an inability to articulate her future plans".

4. Riding in cars with Policemen + Machine guns

Source: www.ghana-net.com

Have you ever seen a Ghanaian policeman with semi-automatic rifle flag down a commercial vehicle (trotro) at a busy bus-stop in Accra? Chances are our man in blue is not  out to inspect brakes, check passenger satisfaction or glance through vehicle papers. Most likely, he's out to hitch a ride! If that's the case, our policeman and his machine gun are given 'special passenger status' up in front with the driver. I'm quite certain most of these rides are free. After all, who would like to ask a fully-armed policeman for 50 pesewas in fare? Besides, he may just start inspecting brakes, check passenger satisfaction or glancing through vehicle papers.
 

5. Taxis that defy understanding. 

Please consider the two following equations: 

*Taxi  -  Passengers = Dangerously slow-moving obstacle on the road travelling at 15km/hour
*Taxi + Passengers = Possessed hell hound dangerously weaving through traffic travelling at 80km/hr

If you try adding Passengers and then subtracting Passengers to the same equation, all you get is a stationary taxi. That's probably the safest taxi to have!

6. Grumblings at the Visa Centre

Speaking of punctuality and jet planes, I recently went to pick up my passport from one of those Schengen Visa centres. I got there 30 minutes early only to find EVERYBODY else had already assembled there anxiously. The centre started calling names 5 minutes late causing the masses to grumble. So the only time we observe time rigidly is when it has something to do with leaving/escaping form Ghana??! *Sigh* You would thinking we are living in Saigon in 1975 and the Viet Cong are approaching the city! 

*Sigh* All these scenarios could happen anywhere in the World but alas, I've experienced them "Only in Ghana". Do you have any to share? 

DISCLAIMER: This post is in no way meant to tarnish or denigrate the image of  the warm, beautiful, vibrant country that is Ghana. I have many "Only in New York" moments to share but I feel these may traumatise and permanently scar my readers. 

The 2010 Ghana Music Awards: Biased and Prejudiced Observations from an Onlooker who accidentally turned on the television halfway through the Award Show

 Source: modernghana.com

I had no idea the Ghana Music Awards (GMAs) were going to be held this weekend. I literally stumbled upon the show being telecast live on Ghana Television (GTV). Here are some snippets as seen by me:

1. 70% Female Audience (as per usual):

I'm continually amazed that the GMAs are oestrogen dominated. When the cameras pan across the audience its usually an array of well-dressed (sometimes tragically under-dressed) females mainly in their 20s. Why so many females? I have a couple of theories to explain the female dominance:

• Theory A: Women are likely to be the recipients of the freebie tickets that always seem to float around each year

• Theory B: Small boys can't afford to pay for two tickets so they buy one ticket for their girlfriends and stay home to watch the event on television

• Theory C: Big men cannot afford....to be seen on TV by their wives in the company of their girlfriends so they buy tickets for their lady friends as well as all her friends!

Just from what I saw of the audience, I would not be surprised if weave-ons and nails on display actually ran into millions of dollars!

2.The inalienable truth:  Ghanaian audiences are hard to sway
Since I moved to the shores of my dear Ghana some years ago, I have observed that a Ghanaian audience being treated to new, exciting and unfamiliar music usually responds with yawns, phone-playing and tepid clapping. I saw this first hand when my childhood idol Brenda Fassie took to the GMA stage way back in 2004.The audience went into a comatose state only to be revived later by the local flavour of the moment.

Sadly, things have not changed much. At the 2010 GMAs, the audience were  treated to the South African group Jozi straight from Ejozi/Egoli/Johannesburg. Almost instantly, coma set in and revival only came later in the form of gospel starlet Ohemaa Mercy who was mysteriously clad in military camouflage. The Jozi guys were such good sports that when they came up later to present an award , they actually said that the GMA audience was the "best [they] have ever performed for".Either these guys are polite, sarcastic or have not performed in front of ANY crowd before. Bless 'em! 

3. Vision in Progress (VIP): Return of the Prodigal sons?
You put three veterans of Ghanaian hiplife (hiphop + rap) into dashing suits and they can actually look like they are on their way to a corporate meeting. I think VIPs performance was probably the one that left me most impressed. Not only were VIP on fire but I was more surprised about how the audience were really into them. After all, I have been to a few performances in the past where these three plucky guys from Nima were not shown much love at all.

Sarkodie

Source: Ghanaweb.com

4. The King of Tema: Sarkodie

The biggest winner of the night was the "fastest rapper in Ghana" the self-titled "King of Tema". Young Sarkodie should have also gotten an award for largest entourage.
It appeared that the King of Tema actually brought the whole of Tema with him including Dr. Duncan of Adom  FM. One couldn't have overlooked Dr. Duncan. He was the guy who had to say something every time  Sarkodie won an award. Now that Sarkodie has signed up with Akon and Konvict music, I'm sure he is either going to have to change his name or risk being called "Sar-Cody" for the rest of his career!

5. So that's who R2Bees are?!

A clear sign I'm so not rolling with the times is that it was only at the award show that I was finally educated on who exactly R2Bees (Refuse to be Broke) were. Heard their song
but didn't put two and two together. Apparently they are representing the Tema Metropolitan Area (TMA) along with the King of Tema. Maybe that's why Mugeez from R2Bees features in Sarkodie's Baby. Finally education!

6. Asem: Ambassador for.... Education??

Speaking of education, bright young thing Asem got an award from the government for his song "School  Dey Be" and was installed as an 'Ambassador for Education'. Very impressive! Alas, it appears that the good 'ol public servants have not educated themselves on some of the other fine works in this young man's portfolio. Asem's lyrical contributions to Richie's song "When I get U" are far from being educational! Well, unless the class is Sleaze-filled songs for a New Generation! Check out the enlightening video here.

7. Did someone say Jon Germain???

For song of the year, the last nominee in the category was the TV presenter Jon Germain who has released an album of his own. As a young friend on Twitter said "How does Jon Germain fit into this picture?".It was like he read my mind. I have never been a fan of Jon Germain's presenting talents so I looked him up on YouTube and was actually impressed by his song. Check it out. 

Jon Germain 

Source: www.juizemag.com

 

8. Phrase of the evening "That remembers me.."

*Sigh* When one of my favorite hiplife artists of all time was  approaching the podium to present an award, his very first hit  was playing in the background. Clearly  overwhelmed by feelings of nostalgia, my hero had an English language slip-up and declared: "That remembers me blah-blah-blah-blah....". This vocabularly slip was met with roaring laughter from  the unforgiving crowd. Poor guy. This is not going to be forgotten for a long time especially since he was looking so hip, happening and fresh from London. 

So there you have it. My Ghana Music Awards experience for the year 2010; overlooking many things in my completely biased, slanted and one-sided perspective. Any gems anyone has to share that I missed? Wande Coal? Becca's nonchalant acceptance speech? The ever gorgeous Chris Attoh?

GLO Literary Event in Accra- *Strictly by Invitation*

The Nigerian telecommunication giant, Globacom Limited,  which  touts itself as "Africa's fastest growing telecommunications company" is on  the brink of storming Ghana. Well, I should add that they have been on this very brink for a while now! 'Glo' as the company is called, is probably one of the most advertised companies  in Ghana that does not actually sell any products on the Ghanaian market...

Despite the lack of availability of Glo products, they are really making their presence in Ghana felt. Apparently, they are a major sponsor of the Ghanaian premier football league and lately, eye-catching Glo billboards are splashed across town featuring some popular Ghanaian celebrities endorsing Glo. Speaking of popular, there's one woman in the billboards I had never heard of and at least 3 different people have asked me who she is. Her name starts with an 'S'. Any clues anyone?

This past week, Glo caught my attention once again. This time, the  Thursday edition of the Daily Graphic newspaper had a full-page advert about an  Evening with Wole Soyinka & Ghanaian Literary Giants with performances by the Senegalese great Youssou N'dour and many others. Sounded tantalizing to me.

The Glo Advert 

Some years ago, I had the privilege of partaking in an evening with Wole Soyinka at my undergraduate college. I was held spell-bound by this African luminary with his unapologetic views on African governance, corruption and literature. At the end of the evening, when I had the perfect opportunity to approach Wole Soyinka to gush about the genius of the poem Telephone Conversation or how I got to play Sidi in our English class production of the Lion and the Jewel, I literally froze in my seat.

The Glo evening promised to combine the literary prowess of Soyinka with his Ghanaian counterparts such as Atukwei Okai and Ama Atta Aidoo. Perhaps it would also be an opportunity to (think about) approaching the literary giant for an autograph. As my mind drifted off to the happy reunion, I failed to see the small print at the bottom of the advert with the curious proviso "Strictly by invitation". I say 'curious' because I cannot understand why Glo or any other company would go through all the trouble of publicizing an event that was already closed to the public? Can it really count as a Glo publicity gambit?

Luckily, fellow Ghanablogging  blogger Golda was one of the privileged invitees. I cannot wait to read her blog posts on the event. In the meantime, I'm Glo-ing green with envy!